Your password is weak!!

It came to my attention this week while trying to start a new e-mail account that my chosen password was 'weak.' Who decides what is a weak password or not? Why do I have to know.....when my identity gets stolen by some creep that doesn't care about me...then I'll know that my password was 'weak' but why do they have to tell me and make me feel soooo dumb?? Ok, that was a really crazy weird topic to start off with, but whatever. It's been almost a month...well actually a month since Golgotha and my last post....weird eh? I'm really lazy. But anyways, on to business....school is going good. My classes are actually not that hard and choir has started. My roommate is awesome!! (Just for you Lisa!!) We get a long really well...which is cool b/c neither of us really knew if it was going to work out at first. But we've really clicked these last few weeks. A couple weeks ago was Christian Life week at school so we had this awesome speaker come in to talk about it. His name was Greg Paul and he wrote a book called..Finding God in the Alley....I think that's the title anyways...I haven't actually read the book. But he gave this one message that really stuck out to me. In it he told this story about looking after a friend of his who had AIDS...and was dying of it. Near the end of his life, and Greg came and looked after him and washed him up and took care of him. That's a very short paraphrased version and has nowhere near the emotional impact that it had when he actually told it. But anyways, he came to the physical realization of the passage that says, 'for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’
It really hit me hard, that God doesn't need us to serve his purpose, but I'm like 'God I want to!' So this was like two weeks ago, this weekend was the "Well" it was a women's conference, the first one in the history of Prairie so this was a big thing right. So There was this seminar on Purity of the Mind. It was like a blow to the heart. Everything that the speaker was talking about applied to me directly. And I was really challenged about why I think the way I do. For instance, yesterday was a really really bad day for me. I was literally bawling all afternoon, because I was feeling shunned by certain people. And I was crying my pain out to God in the prayer chapel, and then that small voice was like 'Kelly, why does this bother you soooo much?' I kinda tossed it aside and went on with my day. Then today, the speaker, who is a single women in the mission field was talking about how she dedicated her singleness to God. And was talking about how she used to judge people who were in her mind 'being held back by relationships.' Like she isn't against relationships, she just got frustrated by women who were like 'I'd like to go to the mission field but I'm in this relationship' and she was just like "come on, let's GO!!" Anyways, so this got me to thinking about how much I really want a family, and want a husband and want to get married. But then she said something that really struck me she asked us if we desire God more than we desire our deepest desires. And I'm like.......no......I don't desire God more than I desire a family. Why not? What is so important about having a boyfriend or having a husband and kids that is more important than serving God with my whole heart? Why do I want that...and right now I think, God's been teaching me that a boyfriend, or relationship right now would not be good for me. Because I would think that having that meant I was worth something, and I would want to go back to all those people in highschool who told me from time to time with their attitudes, that I wasn't worth anything...I'd want to show my b/f off. I'd be like, "yeah, this person believes I'm worth it" and would want to shove it in their face. But would they actually care? Because I'm still not worth it in their eyes. So yea, that seminar also went over some major lies that the devil feeds women and that was one of them. Well, a couple of them, one was that if we only find the right man, that everything will fall into place. And that's not true...kinda like getting a cell phone..I was sooo excited when I actually got mine, and was soooo pysched out about it, had it for a week and am like...ok, so this isn't such a big dea. Just like trying to find the right man. Another is that we (women) are not worthy. That is something I've been dealing with for years....and I thought that I'd forgiven alot of ppl that had hurt me over the years, but especially today, that came right up to the surface. And it still hurts, like a lot. I'm not bitter....but am not completely healed. So yea, anyways...I'm running on lack of sleep so if this contemplative talking thing isn't making sense to anybody, that's ok. Because I'm just trying to make sense of it to me on paper. ok, I'm going now....God Bless!!