Last 2006 post

I found myself in church today
Bowing my head, but not knowing what to pray.
Thinking of how everybody around me
had wronged me or stabbed me or just plain ignored me.
Then instead of looking up to the sky
I looed inside and found the reason why.
It was the devil, smirking and laughing.
Pointing out my faults and playing my insecurities.
On a television screen he played my pain.
On the radio I heard myself scream.
As soon as I left, the temple of God the pain went away
and my heart began to thaw.
Why is it that I couldn't hear
the message of the preacher? Though he was so near.
The taunting and prodding was the devil laying a trap
When I tried to talk to God, he said "no! Not that!"
Then he played it again and again until I was so filled with shame.
I dare not try again.
Oh LORD! I now cry as I lay on my bed.
Sometimes it's so hard that I wish I were dead.
But my God is a forgiver and he watches me cry
but I know that it was his Son that was sent to die.
So God, please forgive my failures and missteps and falls.
Help me to say that above all others I will love and serve YOU most of all.

Well hello there people. Tonight is the last night of 2006 and what a wonderful night it is! Today is my birthday!! It's been a good day and having lots of fun. But what's with the poem? This morning in church was not a good thing. I was really pouty and since I am kind of in the middle of the age groups of the young ppl at church feeling really down. The youth group kids are all a couple years younger than me and the other young ppl are a couple years older. So I'm kinda feeling inbetween and not really wanting to go to Church a lot of the time b/c I get depressed and don't really listen to the message...which is my own fault. So ya, and my feelings of depression kinda left as we were on our way home from Church this morning and it got me thinking.
Also reading through the references in the bible on Trust have also got me thinking about what I put my trust in. There are a couple passages in Job that talk about how God does not put his trust in human folly, just as people do not put their trust soley on animals. They are there to watch over the animals even if they did do most of the manual labour for the farms. Why do I put so much of my trust on things that are not worthy of it? How much time and energy do I spend running away from what God has given me because I do not trust him enough to take care of me or keep me safe? Or direct my paths? GRRRRrrrrrr!!! My own human mind is so frustrating sometimes and causes so much trouble. But it's not just the mind...it's the whole being. And sometimes it gets to a point where I just want to have Jesus come and be rid of it. But then, at those times the thought pops into my head...what about all I still have to do? I think that may be God giving me this desire not to see his kingdom yet. B/c there is still much to be done on earth and the world as it is, is not ready to see their maker come down to the world that he created.
On that note...what's your New Years Resolution?
God Bless you all
Loves!