Friday, January 30, 2009

Unrest

LOOK! Do you see me?
LISTEN! Do you hear me?
I want to kick and scream, yell and shout, jump and wave, until you do


An ant is what I feel like
A bug, buzzing around your head
A child, begging to be loved.

Invisibility comes to mind
Unwanted, unnoticed

How long until this ends?
How long do I have to wait?
How long until you see my tears?

My heart aches,trying to jump out of my chest
There is no rest

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Bye bye

Campus is quiet today. There are a bunch of people gone. The Explore people left about 7:30 friday morning, the ski trip people left a little after six that night and some people like nick, elisa, joel and a bunch of others went to help at a retreat at camp evergreen this weekend. It's weird how you get used to having a bunch of people around and then suddenly their not there. Oh ya, the aviation students are doing their first aid thing this weekend too, so they're not around all weekend either. I miss my friends that are gone, some of them, especially those in the E2 program are not coming back until the week of grad in April. I am happy that they got to go to Camp big horn and complete the practical end of their program, but at the same time I'm sad because friendships have a hard time growing over long distances. I have to finish a presentation on Menno simons today, well not have to but I would like to. Although at the rate things are going it probabaly won't happen.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

The new year

The year 2009 already? It seems like such an impossibility that we are already nine years into the new millenium. How could the years have slipped by so quickly? This year I am in slight dread and slight anticipation of what will happen. How will God use me and others in this year? What will happen to change the course of some people's lives that only God knows about? Kind of scary and yet the knowledge that everything works out for the good of those who love him. How exciting is that? I was trying to write a paper this morning so this is a slight deviation from that goal, but I will return to it shortly. I was thinking about the sermon that my pastor preached at home on December 22nd, the sunday before Christmas, I think that was the date, but I could be wrong, but I know that it was the sunday before Christmas. Anyways, he was speaking on sacrifice. What is it that we understand as sacrifice? Many people think of sacrifice as something like, giving up chocolate for lent, or for a period when you are 'fasting' from something. Sacrifice has been equated with giving up television for a certain amount of time or music or something that is equally unimportant in the grand scheme of our lives. What would Christ say when he hears us call these things as sacrifices? We think of his own sacrifice of dying so that we may live and then use the same terminology for something that is material, easily taken away, something that in the long run may interupt the comfort of our lives for a short time and yet does not affect us beyond the surface. Why is it that we use the same terms for something so different. My pastor, as he was speaking referred to it as something that costs us something. Not just in the wallet but literally costs us something, for Christ's sacrifice cost him EVERYTHING. It was not just a momentary lapse in comfort it was his LIFE! What am I sacrificing? As I write this I have to admit, I cannot think of anything that would accurately be called sacrifice. In my entire life I don't think that I have ever been willing to give up my material comfort to make a sacrifice for Christ or anyone else, I am a selfish person that lacks the discipline or even the drive to separate myself such from the world that I can bring myself to give up my materialistic nature. I hold in envy those I read about that are willing to give up everything for the sake of sharing the gospel of Christ with those around them. Where is that passion? Why does it not burn within me as it does within those who are willing to give everything up for the sake of the Cross, something that should be the most precious thing in my life and yet, appears to be not. Sure, in my speech it is definately the most important thing, but in my heart? I confess it is not. Why? And something else on this topic of sacrifice that was given during that sermon during Christmas break. When we think of things materialistically as being free, we think of cheap. Something that will break within a matter of days and then will be tossed out with the rest of the trash. And yet, the Cross is NOT cheap, it is free yes, but it was costly. It was a TRUE sacrifice because it cost Christ EVERYTHING. Think on that, as will I.